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Choose whether the other person really needs to know about the issue, and if yes, let the child decide who will tell them.

“Do you choose to tell (Mom) what happened, or choose for me to tell her with you there to make sure that I explain it correctly?

First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you.

Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.

If a child is coloring the grass purple, it is easy to tell them it must be green.

A kid can sit down on a chair facing the back, and we make them turn around.

Telling a child that they can’t do something makes them prove that they can, by telling you or showing you that it is in fact possible.

If a child gets hurt because they were doing something dangerous or inappropriate, they already learned their lesson.

This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.

Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.

By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.

Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.

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